The tips of my fingers
Down your body
Slowly
         slowly
Wake of fire

Soft slow kisses
Fast down your neck
Touching
          touching
Rush

Eyes lost in each other
Breath shorter
Wrapped tightly
Beyond and in

This is my diary of Day Three of my Enlightened Bastards Experience (EBE), two weeks ago today.

Sunday morning: I wake up feeling really fine. Today, I am going to go out and roam San Antonio – because I want to do it, not because some fuckin bastards want me to. I am an all-powerful being. I choose to have fun. I choose to have a great time! I choose to look for the good things around me.

I lay in bed, just basking in it all, what a wonderful experience this is! I started to go out, then had the thought – wouldn’t a nice hot **bubble bath be cool! (Hot!) So I took one. Turned the lights out, and just sank into it and relaxed. Just a very nice time. Took pictures of my funny self afterwards (note the wet hair from the bath).

I go back to the Villita with the craft shops. Intended to buy Xmas presents. Didn’t see anything that felt good to buy. Enjoyed just looking and smiling at people. Started to wander. Away from the Riverwalk, to a place called Southtown. Funky.
Started to get hungry again. Wanted a nice little place with great brunch, hot tea, relaxed. Saw only some restaurants that didn’t feel right. Looked down another street, saw nothing. But felt compelled to walk down it anyway. And there it was, the perfect little place just as it had felt, someone’s old house converted to a coffeehouse/brunch place. Had wonderfully light blueberry pancakes and hot tea. Just sat there, smug in my enjoyment of life and the universe. Thank you guidance, for guiding me here.

Went back to the hotel. What a different experience now! Just having a good time enjoying the ambience. Took more self-photos in the room. Secure in the knowledge that I am god, and the universe is unfolding just for me.

Go back to cruise the Riverwalk. Starting to get dark now. Then I meet Andrew and Jack!
Andrew (aka “Hopper”, closest to camera) fills me in on how he’s riding the rails and hitchhiking across America. We talk about law of attraction, which he knows, and Richard Bach’s Illusions, which is a favorite for both of us. Meanwhile Jack (“Koi”) just smokes and listens. Completely fun and rewarding experience!

I go to dinner in a Riverwalk steakhouse, Boudro’s. Took photos of the beautiful smiling hostesses and waitresses, who are tickled to be pictured.  The waiter too. Have a really delicious meal, blackened ribeye, house specialty. Mmmmmmmmmmmm, juicy.

Rewalked the entire Riverwalk. Took many photos of the beautiful light displays and other sights. Carolers go by on a barge singing “Feliz Navidad.” Just so happy to be there, in my knowing of my wonderful self.

Back to the hotel. Last set of self-photos, sitting in the lobby.

I call Jack. I tell him about my soaring absolutely great feeling state, which I maintained all day, having completely released any feelings of lack about the whole situation.
Jack lets out a huge sigh of relief.

Then I hear their side of it all. They were in some lack themselves, about how I was taking it all, would I be in anger and such about having paid all that money and they don’t show up. Jack is very appreciative of me. That feels good. And I am so appreciative of the both of them for their roles in it all, and I can feel that feels good to them. I am sighing right now remembering the good feelings.

And then there was Starr, the wonderful being who made the trek to San Antonio from Asheville NC, didn’t have the money in the end to pay, but wound up getting her own perfect EBE all to herself.
And we almost met – I think I saw her Saturday in the hotel lobby, if she was the tall one with the funny hat – and she was also wandering the Rivercenter Mall the same time I was there Sat. night -- but it was really perfect that we did not meet, because it just would have been a distraction from our respective journeys. Especially since she has…..


And that’s about it, boys and girls. How I spent $1000 to get nothing. Except, I really got EVERYTHING. I transformed myself, from someone who looks to others, who waits for others to lead, to supply the good feeling, to someone who knows he is god, and has all the power I allow myself to have. I know to the core of my soul that I created this entire EBE, just for me. And now I am a person with complete confidence in myself, with total knowing that all is well, and that me and only me creates my life.
I am worthy of everything I can possible desire. I am now in the allowing space. I am enjoying the unfolding as it happens. I am the powerful creator of my experience.

$1000? Cheap. The best money I have ever spent.


If you haven’t listened to us discuss this on the audio yet, check out
Episode 36 of the Enlightened Bastards Talk Shoe radio show.

This is my diary of Day Two of my Enlightened Bastards Experience (EBE), which was two weeks ago tomorrow.

Saturday morning: I woke up feeling great. I shifted last night, permanently. And I was really excited about meeting A&J and talking about all the stuff we might collaborate on.

I went to the gym and worked out on the elliptical machine, then had a late breakfast. I figured they were driving down, and would be here sometime close to lunch. So I just hung around the hotel lobby and then up to the quiet and warm 2nd floor with my computer.

Then I begin to wonder. Is this happening all over again? So I call them…… and yes, it starts all over again.

A&J’s guidance said to me:

You said you wanted to be connected to Source over 99% of the time. Well, here’s how you do that: you turn around, you go out of the hotel to the Riverwalk. You stop. You listen. Then you turn in the direction your guidance sends you.
Do this all day.

You don’t need A&J there. They will only get in the way.
This is the Enlightened Bastards Experience. But they cannot experience for you. You can only do that yourself.

You want to collaborate with them. But that is not what this weekend is about, that is for later. This weekend is about you learning to connect with your guidance. Learning to listen to it, learning to follow it.

You are here in San Antonio, with no agenda, no responsibilities, nothing that has to be done. So just enjoy it. Enjoy the experience of life.
 
They said they call me in about 30 minutes after I started.


So, that is what I tried to do that day – what I was told to do, to go out and wander and listen to my guidance. I drifted through the shops and restaurants. I looked at people. I listened – a little. Not that much. It was pretty aimless. I wasn’t feeling that great. They never called me back like they said (the fucking liars ;-).


I went back to the hotel, to my room. I thought, and felt. I went through much of the same roller coaster as yesterday, only the lows were lower this time. I was angry.
Then I decided – it’s my choice, how I feel. Nobody can take that away from me, ever, not even some fucking enlightened bastards. I can go out and have a good time no matter how those mofoes think of me or treat me. I could choose to lie here in my room and feel sorry for myself and jerk off or something. Or I can go out and fucking forget about ‘em.

So, I went down to the lobby to the free “Mexican Tea” they have every day. It’s about 4:30. I strike up some conversations with people there. I meet a couple from Richmond VA, close to my neck of the woods. The woman agrees with me that the festival of lights was not much. (Jack had been right, he told me my lack of enthusiasm about it would attract others with the same experience.)  It was pleasant talking to people. I notice a young woman wearing a funny hat (tam-o-shanter?) and we exchange looks for a second, but I don’t think anything of it at the time.

I go back to the Riverwalk and wander some more. I am not feeling that good. I eat dinner at a Tex-Mex place. I can’t finish my entrée, chicken with some gooey sour cream, which I didn’t realize it contained and don’t like. I leave my credit card there, and have to go back and get it when I go to buy something and realize it’s missing.

I go back to the hotel room. I think and feel and think and feel.
I can feel the intent of A&J. It is to help me through this. To support me. To be a catalyst for my transformation, if I choose to have one. It felt good to feel that. It felt good to know they are focused on me, that I am worthy enough to have that.
It takes longer to work through the whole thing this time.

But it comes back to me trusting that they are following their guidance in this.
And hey, I am trusting my own guidance to do that!
Hey, it’s ME that has the power here!
I am the one who created this! This whole thing – and it is the perfect way for me to learn my own self-worth. I am worthy of having people be friends with me, to collaborate with me. It doesn’t matter whether they show up anymore. I am powerful and worthy just as I am! Whether they can see it or not! Fuck ‘em!

So at 6:30 I call them. They don’t answer, and I leave a message with my latest self-revelations. I could feel that I still had some work to do, but this was a start.

And I realize, them not answering or calling me is part of this too. I don’t want to learn from someone else, I want to learn through my own experience. It only counts if I can rediscover my self-worth on my own! I don’t need to talk to them on the phone, or in person.

But I did know that they were focusing on me. And I appreciate that soooo much. What a feeling to have that unconditional love focused on me like that. I am in awe of it still.

By the time I was ready to go to sleep that night, I was soaring again. I just felt sooo good. Like Friday night – but different, Because this time I really knew that it was me here, that I am god, just like A&J, and everyone else on the planet, and that I am worthy of everything. There is nothing that is not my birthright. It’s all true! Everything I had ever learned about Law of Attraction, and knew intellectually was true, I now knew and lived in my heart. Ahhhh, what a feeling. These words are just completely inadequate to express it.

The end result was that I was even higher than the highest point at which I had been yesterday - AND NOW I fully realized my own self-worth, it's ME who counts, not them, and I am worthy enough to be whole and have fun regardless of anything they do or say.

To be continued……

This is my diary of how I created my Enlightened Bastards Experience (EBE).

It started two weeks ago tomorrow.

But no, it actually started long before that.

I discovered the Enlightened Bastards (EBs) pod here on Zaadz back in August. I just did a Zaadz search on Abraham-Hicks and they came up. I read their pod, and immediately knew I was onto something. So I joined, and became a regular, and have never looked back. I am among friends ;-)

So, on their home page, they talk about the EBE. The “details” were in a TalkShoe podcast. They wanted $1000 for folks to come and hang out with them, in the swanky Westin hotel on the San Antonio Riverwalk.

Now, I really wanted to meet and have untold fun with EB and friends. It just sounded so cool – and it really felt right. So in spite of the absurd sum requested for such an unstructured event, I followed my guidance and signed up. I felt that Andrew and Jack (A&J) had the right to do this, because they thought of it first, creating such an outrageous organization and event for people on the leading edge of the leading edge – it was worth any amount of money to me to connect with that. I have wanted to meet such people for a very long time. From things they let drop in the interim, I understood that I might be the only one that signed up, That was OK, because I figured I would get their focus for an entire weekend – and I was really feeling that I wanted to collaborate with them in several ways, which is a very exciting idea for me. Collaborate, meaning as an equal, not as a follower or student.

The EBE was scheduled for Fri.-Sun. Nov. 23-25, right after Thanksgiving. There were no instructions about when or where to meet. I felt that was in character for EBs, that we meet when our guidance led us to meet. So, after arriving around noon and not hearing from A&J at first, I was unconcerned….. though I do admit to a small feeling of fear of their not showing up -- it was there. I dismissed it at the time.

Around 4 PM, I figured I’d call them just to let them know I was there. I didn’t expect anything to happen until the nighttime -- they hadn’t mentioned a start time. So I called A&J. Someone answered and said that Andrew was at Jack’s, and gave me a cell number to call. After hanging up, I went to the Internet and discovered that Dallas is 4 hours from San Antonio – so it didn’t look like I was going to meet them anytime soon. And so my vibration dipped a little.

I called the cell number. Someone answered the phone and immediately hung up.

And I thought, “uh-oh, here we go…..” – because I know there are no accidents, and there is a definite purpose at work here.

A minute or two later I got a call back. Andrew’s voice said, Tom, are you following your guidance (or something like that) and hung up.

And my reaction was, this is fun – and I know they are teaching me something; there is something here for me to learn.

And so this continued for a little bit, having short conversations and hanging up, then calling back. I knew that they were doing this entirely from their guidance, they were listening to the true inner voice – and I trusted that. I hung onto this idea throughout the weekend – it was the essential core in which I firmly believed, throughout what unfolded. I simply knew this was being done for a reason, and that reason was for me to have the opportunity to learn about myself.

That night was the festival of lights on the Riverwalk. A&J told me to go out and experience it. And so I did.

But I chose not to feel that good – at first. I felt disappointed that I was not going to meet new good friends that night. It was like, I don’t deserve good friends – which is a core issue I have had for many years. And now these motherfuckers are dissing me too. The bastards.

So, I watched the parade, clinging hard to the trust in their guidance, oscillating to feeling hurt and unworthy of friendship. I called them at one point, but Jack said to call back after it was over. I did enjoy some of sitting there and talking to people, and taking pictures,  but mostly it was a long wait in unseasonably cold weather for a few widely spaced boats lit up and with bands – nothing great.

I went back to the hotel. I laid on the bed, and felt, and thought.

I was determined to raise my vibration.

I thought about trusting that they were following their guidance. I felt a little better the more I focused on that, because I knew it was true.

I knew this was happening because I needed to learn something – I had created this on some level. I knew my feeling bad was my choice – so I chose to release that. I chose instead to feel better, to feel good about this.

I chose to feel the focus they had on me, to help me through this, I could feel their focus on me, strongly. I knew they were there, supporting me. I felt better and better the more I felt this.

I moved myself up the emotional scale, from pain and rejection to hope to joy – and these are not just empty words, I really did it.

In the end, I was flying high, knowing that these 2 people cared enough about me to dis me like this, to take the risk that I would cause a lot of trouble, and just that their powerful focus was entirely on me – what a feeling!

So, at about 9:45, I called them back, and explained to them all I had been feeling, I was soaring now. And A&J said yes, they had been focusing on me all the time, and could feel the roller coaster I was on. And they were so grateful to me for the way I responded! And they reacted very positively to my ideas about collaboration in general – which brought tears to my eyes, because I have waited for so long for such people to collaborate with. Jack said, Dude, you have no idea of all that shit that’s happening….

And I was soaring so high by this time I thought I would explode! It was the BEST FEELING I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!

Then Andrew asked, have I given up hope of ever seeing them this weekend? And I laughed and said, noooooooo…. And he said something like, we’ll see you after breakfast, in such a tone that spoke to me, they were really going to be here in person – and I felt happier still.

And so we ended the call, and I went to bed with a warm glow, all over.

To be continued….

Mamakat -- http://back-to-the-garden.zaadz.com/blog -- 

tagged me to tell you 7 unusual things about myself and to tag 7 people. 

Here are the rules of engagement:

1. Link to the person's blog who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.

4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

____________________________________________________________________

#1 I combine logic and intuition to bet horse races. I win when my vibration is high.
Which from now on is over 99.9% of the time.

#2 I have watched the movie "Field of Dreams" 5 or 6 times.
Every time, I cry.
Because Ray holds firm to his belief in himself/his intuition
to build his dream, no matter what pressures society brings to bear.
He has such faith in his guidance that he acts on it without question.
I am now at the place where I have such faith in my own guidance myself!

#3 Harpo is Oprah spelled backwards.

#4 I heard True Dave take a leak on a podcast.

#5 I allow the best perfect matches to all my vibrational offerings about friends and lovers to me. I don't have to do a damn thing but allow it. I am a powerful motherfucker.

#6 The crowning jewel of my creative life is the

Center for the Study, Application and Fun of Law of Attraction

#7 I am god. Also known as an Enlightened Bastard.
You knew it all the time.
I just got back from the Enlightened Bastards Experience, wherein I paid
$1000 to be by myself for 3 days and follow my guidance.
But I really was not alone at all, because the 2 bestest dudes around
were focusing on me intensely throughout that time - namely, those bastards
Jack and Andrew. $1000 was a great bargain for the privilege of
having their focus act as a catalyst for my transformation from
person who had doubts about his own self-worth to
who I am now, namely god.
And fuck you if you don't like it ;-)

 

 

D'ya think I'm weird enough?

 

Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to tag 7 random (as if!) people.....

So consider yourselves tagged:

Cristin

jen

Erika

Friend Seeker

Seth Harris

Love One Another

flex22